APRONS

I have ALWAYS wanted to be an apron wearing mama. I think that they are domestic yet sexy, but I am too cheap to buy one. Last Christmas Grandma Fran made Ashley and I a few each. Whenever I go over to her house around dinner time she is wearing hers. I forget to wear mine until I find spots on my clothes.

Brenna is the cure. She is at a stage where she loves to help me cook. She does not fail to grab an aprons for me and one for her. Sometimes if she is not helping me with dinner she will bring me one, usually right as I am finished ;).

MAMED

I thought that I might put a picture, but for those with weak stomachs I will probably wait and post a healed picture.

I was not being careful when making my soft book and sliced the top of my middle finger. It instantly was bleeding everywhere. I learned quickly that my first aid supplies are not easily accessible. I doused it with peroxide, held it with a few cotton balls and then wrapped in duct tape. At urgent care they laughed when they saw how a nurse had wrapped a wound.

Everyone was unavailable. I called Grandma Fran and she rushed right over. I put the boys down for a nap and a movie on for Brenna expecting to make things easy on her. A few minutes after I left Landon woke up and had puked everywhere. When I got home the dishes were done and Landon back asleep. THANK YOU!!!

Five/six stitches later and I have a whole finger. It is my middle finger. I told the MD to stitch it up nicely because it is my favorite finger. Then I joked that I don't use it very much. He wasn't following my humor but he gave me some good courtesy laughs.

***I was just notified that this moment of stupidity did not only leave my finger forever deformed...it also cost me $250.00. When is Obama care going to kick in? j/k.

SOFT BOOK

I have been dreaming of this one for a long time. I love it. I am so creative that if I was not myself I would puke with jealousy ;).

WHY?

Why...is the laundry that I did on Sunday still sitting in a pile waiting to be put away?

Because...I have not yet finished washing laundry. Right when I attempt to tackle the pile...someone vomits all over everything.

Why...is only one of my legs half shaved and the other still hairy?

Because...I peaked out of the shower to check on the babies only to find them unrolling the whole roll of toilet paper.

Why...is my makeup not on and hair in a towel and dinner not done when my husband gets home from work, this week.

Because...I cant keep up.

LOST OBJECT

If there is anyone out there that has not seen me as a mother...it is nothing short of silly and unique. Shane even says that he at times sees my mom in me...which means I am animated at times and use excited tones when I talk to the kids.

One thing that I have done since Brenna was a baby is our routine when looking for a lost object. We go from room to room calling for the object as we look. Like this morning for example. All three children were on their hands and knees saying "flipity flopity" (Brenna's lost shoe).

I am usually the one to lead the search but I love it when I see them do it on there own.

DEPENDENT

Is it just because my mother-in-law is out of town that I am feeling helpless or it because the brothers are vomiting all over the place, Brenna is begging for my attention because most is spent doing another load of laundry, I am craving sushi but cannot go...

I blame her mostly ;). She is too helpful and available whenever I need her. She never complains or shows if it is bothering her. If a day goes by that we do not stop by to visit then she is knocking on our door for her grandchild fix.

I am fully confident that I would not have survived the last few years without her...and will not survive the next few days if she does not come back ASAP!!!


***In the picture: they discovered this hiding place by themselves. It the the blankets hanging over the side of the bed. After they found that this was a good spot...they would not hide anywhere else***

SUSHI JOURNEY

I have a sushi lover as a sister-in-law, but was too chicken to spend money on something that I was pretty sure that I would not adore.

I was naive and in my head pictured sushi only as California rolls. I thought that the filling was the only difference between the different kinds. It was not until I went in to buy a gift card that I was SHOCKED and DISGUSTED. There were slabs or fish and eggs on top of rice. Perhaps I could tolerate a small piece wrapped in a roll but DEFINITELY not a mouthful.

But...I do know that there must be a reason why people LOVE it. So I went...I ate...I ate some more. When I was done I said to myself that it was a nice experience but I would not go back.

A week later I could not get it off my mind. I had some serious cravings. So I went back and ever since have been hooked. The humor of it is that it is the slabs of fish that I prefer.

RUNNING ADDICT

There are a few things that I have learned from running.

It becomes addictive. If I do not run I find that I cannot get it off my mind until I give in. Even sometimes if I did run, I still get the urge and have to tell myself not to overdo it.

It is all in my head. I run 3 miles in 30 minutes, which is a snails pace to most. My body enjoys the pace, but it is my mind that I have to fight...especially on a treadmill. My body is not sore the next day and my mind is over it 3 minutes after I stop, but as I am running it can be hard if I let my mind take over. I have found that if I watch one of the "movies I adore", I can smile as I run. I also do not have to concentrate too hard because I have every line memorized.

It is blissful. I have not ever been happier in my life and more even tempered than I am now that I run daily. ***I hear a few that really know me, laughing as they read this. I did not say that I AM even tempered...I said I am MORE even tempered...JAY!!!

It must be hard. I also heard somewhere that "WORKing out" is supposed to be hard or else it is not going to bring results. Before I heard that I would quit if it got too hard, now I push through it and find joy in the accomplishment.

I can do anything for a short period of time. Really 30 minutes is NOTHING. It goes by so fast and then it is over until the next day.

My appetite is none existent. I eat to nourish my body not to give in to cravings. Especially sweets. They still sound good because of past damage but I find myself not finishing it and throwing it away after a few bites.

FALSE ALARM

Thought that I might be pregnant, there were a few small factors that could have led in that direction...so I freaked Shane out when I made a stop at the dollar store for a test. Turns out I am not.

I would have thought that I would be jumping for joy but to tell the HONEST truth...I am so disappointed. I am convinced that I am crazy but last month I was content to live the rest of my life with only three kids and this month I am sad to think that I no longer will have a BABY.

My babies are getting sooo big. They are saying words and getting their own shoes to put them on. Life is getting to am "easy" stage and I am left wanting.

Probably next week I will be back to the opposite opinion.

IDENTITY THEFT

I woke up after a night of working and decided to take a glance at the activity on our bank account. Shane went crazy and spent ***200 dollars*** in the past few days without saying a word to me about it. I remembered and brought it up at our date. I asked him what he bought at the various places. He said that he had not bought or been anywhere in the past few days.

Instantly we got SICK to our stomachs. Another coincidence is that Karen called me earlier that afternoon about emails she got from MY email account about Viagra and other various subjects. Someone must have hacked into our computer and go into EVERYTHING. As we left the restaurant I had all bank cards and credit cards in my hand waiting to cancel them but first Shane called Jayson to talk about it.

Jayson said that is so weird because the past couple of days the pin number on his debit card was not working. They double checked their cards and realized that when we went out to eat a few days before the cards got switched and they had each been using the other persons card without even knowing it.

***I am forced to add, that I could not remember the exact amount when I scribbled my blog from memory. I have readers keeping my blog honest and it was not even 200 dollars spent. ;)***

THE "ONLY CHILD"

Landon thinks that he is an only child.

Mama belongs to him only and the rest I am just babysitting long term. At times, in certain moods, he will not let Jackson near me with a 10-foot-pole. I am not allowed to share my lap and how dare I try to hold Jackson on the vacant hip while holding him.

He is my tag-a-long and plays one on one with his mama while Brenna and Jackson are off exploring other things.

Jackson on the other hand is the "only grandchild". There is no one in the world that he loves more than his grandma. He is with her always. He eats the majority of the bites off her plate, he is always on her lap begging for a song, and if she is standing he is at her feet begging to be held. I am not jealous...my load is lessened for a time.

Brenna has always been and will always be daddy's little girl. She is often found on the front of his dirt bike, under the truck handing him tools, or justt at his side checking out what he is up to.

SPOON FEEDING

I am a bit embarrassed to admit it but every mama has her flaws. There was a time when I let the babies feed themselves. When they were done I would go through the same routine...3-5 times a day.

Clean their hands and faces.

Strip off their clothes because no bib is big enough to cover a food fight between twins.

Clean the high chair...walls...windows...doors...

Distract them as I sweep up the food that fell to the floor.

Mop the floor.

Needless to say, I got exhausted. Now...most of the time...I spoon feed them. It has been working out well. I must adapt in order to survive but there is always a catch. Right when I was comfortable the brothers decided that spoon feeding was not "cool" and would get silverware out of the drawer and demand to get their own bites. The solution...I put a bit on the end of the fork and hand it to them. They hand it back for another bite. It is working out well...for now.

GROUNDHOGS DAY

At this point in my motherhood journey life feels a lot like the movie "Groundhogs Day".

Same old, same old: The routine from day to day in my house doesn't change much and that is working for us.

Memory erased each night: My children wake up each new day full of life and love for their mama. Even from moment to moment, they are forgiving and forgetful of any times that mama is less than happy.

New start: Children did not come with an instruction book but with each new day I learn from the day before and use it to change the next day for all of our benefit.

Special day: In the movie, each day begins celebrating the special day of "groundhogs day". There is excitement and wonder. It is the same with my 3 small babies. If I remember and embrace that, then we have a wonderful day.

WHAT IS IT?

What is my blog to me?

Is it a journal? I don't think so or else I would also share more intimate and spiritual experiences?

Is it a best friend? Maybe. Whenever something funny happens I tell my blog first. My husband has to read my blog to find out a lot of things that have been going on.

Is it my fun and creative outlet? Possibly. I find joy in the humor of life. Come on, I married Shane. If I did not have a sense of humor I would be offended every minute of every day. His humor, which is HILARIOUS, is sarcasm.

What it is. It is a place to put pictures of my family. It is a place to keep all of the fun and funny things in life. It is where I talk and reveal more than I do in person, unless we are really close. It is a place to set and chart goals. My life I am proud of and it is a place to show it off.

SINGING WITH JACKSON

Out of our daily 20 minute singing time, somehow Jackson learned to sing "I love to see the temple". Okay not really but he sings along and then says the last word of each line. I first realized it while we were sitting at church. He opened the hymnbook and started singing. That was cute enough but then I realized he was singing the temple song. Now whenever I start it he drops everything and sings along. I LOVE it.

STUMBLING BLOCKS

In my house there are a few blockades you have to get through before you can get comfortable.

Why did I wait so long? Was it because I loved the extra "help" rearranging the dishes as I filled the dishwasher? Or was it because I loved the extra worry of babies pulling down hot pans on themselves or opening the oven? Was it because I loved to find babies helping themselves into the fridge? Or...Am I just too cheap to buy one and had to wait until someone gave me a baby gate?

It takes a lot of effort to get that gate on tight enough so that babies do not pull it down. So thus, it is up always and you must climb over it.

Then there is the second and much more annoying blockade. May I remind you that we live in a TINY condo. We have no room to put our computer so we built in shelving and a desk into the closet in our entryway. It has been wonderful except when Shane and I decided not to get cable but just watch Hulu or Netflix on the computer. We used to sit in separate chairs, which provides no opportunity for "snuggling" after a long day. So now we have our love seat in front of the computer, blocking our front door. If you are thin enough you can squeeze out, but it is a LITTLE embarrassing when guests come over unannounced.

JULY GOAL

It is a bit ridiculous that I am continuing to gain weight despite working out. So, there must be a few more things that I need to change. But I must add that I am still smaller than my pre-twins weight but I really enjoyed being 10 lbs lighter.

No sweets. I think that I can do it. I have done it before. ***oops. strawberry shortcake = must be changed to only once weekly***

Running my 3 miles a day, except Sundays and might exempt days after I worked.

100 squats or lunges daily.

Drink water like a fish. At least 64 ounces a day.

No Dr. pepper. I am not sure if the 1 can a day is what is preventing the weight loss, but it might be.

I am starting out at...dare I say...Nope, I cannot. Lets see if there are some changes in a month of TORTURE.

***Updated: I did AMAZING!! I ran 3-4 days a week 3-4 miles. I drank the water. I did 200 arms and 100 legs with each run. About 2 soda for the month. Result: I can run faster. I have not increased my mileage because anything over 3 miles takes longer than have I time and sounds daunting. I have muscle in my arms that I never knew existed. I get that "look" from my husband constantly. I am proud of myself and feel amazing.

SUMMER GOAL

I only hope that my husband doesn't read this post...or else I will really have to stick to it. I have the goal of getting out on the wake board a few times every time we are out on the boat. Sounds like it should not be difficult but there are a few factors that have prevented it in the past.

I have 3 babies crawling all over me and the boat. If Shane is driving that leaves them with someone else, which is no always the best when they are all trying to crawl over the edge of the boat to get to their mama.

I don't want to mess up my hair. Or...I just don't want to have to restyle me hair again. I do not have that much free time now-a-days.

The water is cold. It is not like Arizona where you get in the pool to stay warm. Hagg Lake is nice and toasty but it is a drive away. The river is always cold because it moves toward the ocean.

I am a wimp and my muscles fatigue fast...even with all the working out I have been doing.

I am not very fun to watch. I am way chicken still. I cringe whenever a boat or barge passes leaving a wake I have to survive.

Really I sound like such a "girl" and my husband would be really disappointed. Therefore I have made my goal. I do love wake boarding. It is fun. But no one can get me on the skyski...never.

***Update: Through this process I have become more comfortable on the wake board and even been told that I am "amazing" on it. I LOVE to go out on the boat and we go any chance we get. Also I am the first one in the water most of the time instead of my old habit of dreading it and waiting until the last one to go.

ARMED AND...

dangerous? I guess it depends on how you look at it. I have been sucked in and am now a proud owner of my own handgun. I plan on being concealed carry. VERY controversial I know. I strongly feel that I need the means and know how to protect my family in the future and now. If Shane is gone for whatever reason and my family is threatened, I want to be prepared.

I also felt that I needed my own gun so that I would learn to use it. Shane's is too scary and too much bang. The first time Karen shot it, after she shot the round she threw it at Shane's chest, and screamed.

So far I am a good shot...that is if I stand in "the stance", focus, and take slow deep breaths. I want to learn to shoot under pressure like Nutnfancy- Shane's YouTube idol.

Shane and his brother also made guns out of wood for the kids. Brenna has an AR15 and the other cousins have others like AK47s. Also, VERY controversial. I have quickly realized that their are only certain people I can confess this to.

***Yes, Brenna's gun is pink. Come on. She is not a complete tomboy. But I do think that Shane would draw the line if I tried to add glitter :)***

WIMPS\CRY BABIES

The brothers are ridiculously sensetive. Brenna is not so much which leads me to believe that it is more my fault than theirs. Brenna was raised by Shane while I worked full-time. The brothers cry when a new person comes into the room and glances in their driection, Their are probably a few factors that made it this way.

SMELLS

Oh there are so many smells in my house.

The laundry: I do laundry one day during the week and do not do another load unless desperation sets in. The pile of laundry can get a little ripe at times.

Diaper pail: A nice greeting to those who come to my home. It sits on my doorstep and fills up fast. Yes, I have heard of a diaper gennie but can you imagine the cost of replacement bags I would need yearly. It is embarrassing. But at least I do attempt to empty it daily.

Children: This includes my husband. Someone is always poopy or smells like it. Some days I change at least 6 poopy diapers. The nice thing is that the brothers are "regular" and both do it at the same time. And thank goodness Brenna is potty trained.

Spills: I cannot avoid it unless I put a gate up and only let the kids have sippy cups in the dining room. Plus there are the spots that have been thrown up on, or peed that seem to reek no matter how hard the chemical.

Oregon weather: I blame Oregon mainly. If is wasn't for the rainy cold weather, I would be able to open windows to air the place out.

WEIGHT VS HEALTH

I am not meant to lose weight I suppose. I have been working out hard 3 times a week since April, for the last month daily, and for a few weeks a 3 mile run. Which I can say that I am 10 times happier and healthier but I thought I would see some results!!! I learned that weighing myself only led to frustration...but today I was curious. Weight gain?!!?! It made me think of the slimquick commercial below. The other person in the commercial can be my husband, my sister-in-law, or just about anyone else on the planet. I am getting desperate and am at the point that I think that I would prefer having twins again just to have the calories fly off with ease.

I know that I am beautiful and thinner than most but I want it all, especially if I am working my tail off.

RUNNING

My philosophy on working out is to push it...but not too hard. I used to push it harder and harder until I dreaded working out and stopped. Shane's philosophy is the opposite. He has only run on the treadmill 3 times in 3 weeks and he is already a maniac.

Today he was running and SWEATING. Anyone who knows him, knows that this is his best talent. If he were a superhero he would be "Sweat Man" who destroys his enemies by building a lake and then drowning them.

Brenna was standing next to the treadmill as he worked out. She kept on telling me that it was raining. I looked out the window and said, "No, it is a sunny day". After a few times of her saying that it was raining in the house, I realized that Shane was drenching her with his excretions.

Yes, I do still find this man extremely attractive. ;)

FATHERS

I feel like I have been blessed when it comes to "Fathers".

Husband: Father of my children and a child himself. He is a GREAT father. He is wise and teaching yet playful and goofy. He sticks to his guns and disciplines yet is soft while doing it.

My father: I have this intense love for Josh Turner and Randy Travis's deep voices. I used to love to sit on my Dads lap in sacrament, snuggle his neck to smell his colgne and listen to him sing. I can only imagine that it sounded a lot like my two country idols. I was his little girl. I was there whenever he got home for work for a foot rub and back scratch. Then I would spend the rest of the evening snuggled up at his side. I went with him whenever he had a errand to run. I would ask each time where we were going and his reply was always "to the moon".

Papa: My father-in-law is pretty amazing too. He is wise, quiet, loving, simple. He is nonjudgmental and always a listening ear. He is young at heart and can take on any of his boys in water sports or on the dirt bike.

Adopted Father: Although my uncle has 7 children of his own, he did not struggle to love me as one of his own when I needed it most. He is big and scruffy just like my dad was and is a warm reminder of him. He was a comfort when I was in the most difficult stages of life. His presence is a safe haven and welcome place to return to whenever I can.

TRADE OFFS

In order to have a wife that is fit and happy in my house then there are some trade offs.

The treadmill in the living room: because staring at the wall was not cutting it. I did learn that there are some cool objects that can be made out of the drywall bumps if looked at long enough.

Dirty house after dinner: The house is spot less when husband comes home, but I have no desire to do dishes after dinner.

Bedtime helping: Husband can have a break after work until bedtime, but when it is time to get the babies ready for bed, I need help. I want them in bed quick so I can finally relax. Chasing around 3 babies for teeth brushing and pjs can be a chore for one exhausted mama.

Take care of what is yours: If I clean the house all day, I do not appreciate finding work clothes and shoes anywhere and everywhere. The corner of the kitchen counter is not a place for sports gear. I am organized and there is a special place designated for that.

****Wow, I just realized that I am writing this post the day after Father's Day. This is not to pick on my husband, just give a few friendly reminders ;). He is actually very helpful and amazing with the kids. Just posting the humor of motherhood.***

STRAWBERRIES

My first and only plant was planted this year with Brenna. I bought a strawberry plant that already had two or three leaves, potted it and we watched it take off. With all of the rain in Oregon I have not even had to water it. Brenna and I check on it daily and watch the strawberries get bigger. So far there have been 4 strawberries that we have picked. It is fun and yummy. If we didn't live in a small condo with no yard of my own, perhaps I would grow a garden bigger than just one plant.

OPERATION: PROACTIVE MOM UPDATE

It has only been two days but it is working out GREAT.

Singing time consists of me singing to the kids while they play. Sometimes they stop and watch, and do a few signs, but not much more. Brenna sits on my lap. I can tell that she feels that it is a special time because she gives me smiles and kisses as we sing. I also get to sing primary songs as well as wiggle songs. Even if they are playing hopefully the spirit is there and they hear gospel words and principles.

I have found that I actually have more time to myself. Less demands and crying. They get their mommy time and then they are happy to play by themselves or sit through a movie while I do "mommy stuff".

I am learning that it is possible for me to get up and exercise at 7:00am and that I am not anymore exhausted from it.

It has been fun to teach them how to use their imagination and also play the games that I enjoyed as a kid.

I find myself laughing and enjoying their company. I have learned quickly more of the quirks that each one has.

But...I am tired and ready to be done when Shane comes home. I can only imagine that this will improve...it has only been two days.

PHONE CALLS

My kids are obsessed with the phone and have been for a long time...but it is beginning to be ridiculous and probably annoying to others.

They find the phone no matter how hard I hide it.

They program in phone numbers or make phone calls on accident.

They call Grandma, Grandpa, Daddy, and cousins almost daily.

They crawl all over me trying to talk, or cry/beg while I am trying to make a phone call.

It really is adorable. The brothers actually talk as if they are having a conversation. They can go on for a long time. Brenna looks just like a teenager when she talks. She holds it to her ear with her shoulder, and paces the room. One thing that she does not understand is that the person on the other end cannot see what you are pointing to. I am trying to teach her to explain and describe.

DO NOT DISTURB

The brothers play together alot...they also fight over the same toy, or the same mama alot. Yet, one fact remains...they love eachother and miss the other one if they are gone.

Their naptimes are identical. If I am going to get a break, then it better be a worthwhile one. Lately, one brother seems to wake up at least a half an hour before the other one.

I enjoy the one on one attention but I have to constantly redirect the childs attention to me and off the fact that the other one is still in bed. The awake baby continually attempts to open, or knock on the bedroom door, that contains the sleeping child. If I do finally allow them into the room they squeal with joy and giggle as they get to the crib and find the brother.

DRESS IDENTICAL

When we first discovered that we were having twins, Shane voiced a very strict rule...they are not allowed to wear identical outfits. I guess that I did not spread the news because at my baby shower, before opening presents, someone asked me this question. I recieved silent stares as I explained Shanes law. I realized after I opened bags and bags of identical outfits, that I probably should not have answered honestly.

There have been times when they wore the same outfit, but most of the time it is different. Not completely different, the same but different colors. I like them to look like twins. I know that things will be different when they get older. I will not force them to dress the same once their tastes and personalites blossom.

Also since birth, when I have a choice Landon wears the brown and Jackson wears the blue. If there is no brown, then Jackson always gets the blue and Landon, the left overs. It helps me to remember who is who in pictures, or in real life if I am really having trouble.

THE SLING

I have a sling that I used when Brenna was small but not much since. With the twins I was always alternating between them and could not hold one for an extended period of time. Recently I have taken it back out of retirement. When one of my children are sick, or especially whinny or needy I whip it out. An hour connected to my hip usually resolves the problem. It also prevents me from putting them down unnoticed. Sometimes my mind races and I do not realize I have put the child down until the screaming returns, but with the sling, it takes effort to get them out, therefore I am forced to hold them until they request to get out. I have become very talented at what I can still accomplish even with a baby in a sling.

VANITY

I am far from vain when it comes to looks. It is a blessing and a curse for my husband. I did warn him when we were dating that most days I do not wear makeup. He loves that it takes me only 5 minutes TOPS to get ready to go somewhere. He loves that I can get all of the children and myself packed and ready in the same time that it takes him to care for himself. But he does complain that it is only my patients that get to see me all done up. I tell him that it is a fact that people are easier to work with and nicer if you are beautiful and attractive, but he sees the beauty on the inside, so... I don't have to go through all that trouble, all the time, for him.

I do have a strong vain bone in my body in one area. When I do spend time on my hair I want it to stay that way for at least a day. Oregon mists and rain are a killer. Plus, I dread summers with unannounced boating trips. I do not like doing my hair twice in one day. Also... I went swimming for a hour last week and my hair is the texture of straw and completely unmanageable. I remember spending whole summers in the chlorine in Arizona and this never happened. Grrrr. Now I know why there are so many jokes about bad-hair-days.

I AM A RUNNER

I am a runner! Just kidding. I am nothing near it yet, but I am practicing and I do have the desire. I have been running for 3 weeks and it is a habit/addiction already. I thought that 3 miles on the treadmill was impressive but then went to work, and listened as many coworkers reminisced over the half-marathon that they just completed, without even training. That is my dream. Why? No, I am not good at it...and it doesn't necessarily feel good as I am doing it, but afterward I feel such a high and sense of accomplishment. For the rest of the day I have no complaints about my body or guilt for having a snack. I would not have said it 3 months ago but...I LOVE to exercise.

The one thing that keeps me hopeful that I will someday be a runner, is that the same people that LOVE running, HATE the treadmill. They all say that it is 10 times harder to do. Sooo...when I run my measly 3 miles in my home, because I am confined to home and don't get out much, in my head when I am done, I say, "You just ran 30 miles!." Crazy, but it works and it makes me feel better.

PROACTIVE MOM: PLAN A

Believe it or not...I do not have motherhood figured out ;). But I have found that unless I am proactive I find myself, spending the entire day keeping up my house and counting the minutes until Shane comes home. I forget about spending more "quality" time with my babies. Yes I facilitate play between them all day but then I try to nicely sneak out without notice. Another flaw in my motherhood...since in my blog I am totally open...is that Brenna is addicted to Dora. It began as a pacifier for her, while I worked out but now she has learned to press the "next video" button on Netflix and will watch a few hours unnoticed.

I have found during the last few weeks that motherhood went from a joy...to a drag. Yesterday I felt that I would sell my children if any offer came along...without thinking twice. I realized that it is me, not them. So thus Mission: Proactive Mom has commenced.

Plan A: Preschool
I have realized that in motherhood routine is vital. Also for me as a mother, unless I plan or set time apart, I will be frustrated, annoyed, and watching the clock. So I structured my day and trustingly showed it to my husband. He does not think I am nuts...so I will do it. It has singing time, nap time, Brenna/mommy time, playtime, FHE, and books. A bit ambitious, but I am going to begin Monday. I understand that things will get in the way...I am not strict...I am totally flexibile.

I will update or attempt Plan B, if this fails.

NEED HUMILITY

I have realized that multiple people around me are struggling. Some financially with slim hope of recovering soon, and some with very serious health problems. I sit here on my pedestal eating, drinking and being merry, with my mediocre complaints. I have amazing children that are all healthy and strong. I have a husband who I adore and works hard for his family. We have a home that is warm, and full of food. I soak in a warm bath daily. In my patriarchal blessing talks about me having adequate for my needs and enough to help those around me. I have spent thousands helping others struggling but...I feel the need to do more. I need to be closer to the spirit. Mourn with those who mourn, comfort those who stand in need of comfort. My hopes and dreams for a comfortable future are diminishing, but I know that if I am close to the spirit my family and those whom I love will be protected. With all that I am blessed with, how dare I just sit idly wasting away.

BACK SEAT DRIVER

Brenna is so helpful. Ever since the brothers came along, she gets the middle seat in the back of the car. She can see everywhere and everything while we are driving. She has begun to notice the street lights. She tells us when to stop (if red) and go (if green).

It is kinda nice to have someone watching your back but she is going to need be retaught how to drive once she is a teenager. NO! Not because I am a bad driver! I will give a few examples...

I was at a turn light and began to turn left when the arrow turned green...Brenna only saw the other red lights and not the arrow. She was freaking out. "No...no...no mom...Don't go"...kicking her legs in a full on tantrum.

Also as soon as she sees the next light is red she expects us to stop where we are. We are trying to teach her that we need to pull up to the line and then stop.

And...my favorite...if we are behind a slow person, she gets so upset that we are going slow (not a good sign...she is learning from my example).

NO NAUSEA ALLOWED

It has begun again. Now that all my babies are in nursery...I am baby hungry. They are old enough to play together and I am left wanting. Yet, I found a solution. The other day we went to a park that had toys that you sit on and can spin around and around. I spun slowly until Shane came and over-did-it. I was burping and nauseous for about an hour. It felt exactly like morning sickness. I quickly remembered and do not desire it. Shane says he is going to take me to that toy once a week ;).

PARDON ME

I realize that I have a small following of dedicated readers. Some say, "It must take you a long time to write these." Heck no. I do not have any spare time. So excuse my typos, misspelled words, and gastly punctuation. I just sit down, type, and revise/censore later. Sometimes I get a "Oh my heck, I cant believe that you admitted that!", or "Wow, now everyone knows our business!". HEY! This is my blog. My life uncensored (unless it is too out-of-line) and untamed.

IDENTICAL TWINS

Far from it!!! If my research is correct...they HAVE to be identical because there was only one placenta. So far they are nothing alike.

Landon is skinny and Jackson is fat. To me they are extremely easy to tell apart. There was a time when Landons weight was starting to catch up with Jackson and I kept mixing them up, but they are back to polar opposites again.

Landon uses his right hand most of the time and Jackson favors his left.

Landon I fear is a vegitarian and Jackson a carnivore. For example, both have a hambuger and by the end Jackson has devoured it all with bun crumbs left over and Landon has only a nicely formed meat patty which he will not touch with a ten-foot-pole.

Landon is athletic but Jackson coordination could use some work.

Landon is my cuddle bug and buddy but Jackson will only hold me for a minute at a time.

Landon walks around with a little attitude and a stink eye but Jackson is laid back and takes it as it comes.

But it cannot be argued that they are both so awesome. I love it that they are different.

***In the picture...I have no clue which one is which***

TALKING

I really thought that since my children were only 19 months apart, that the twins would pick up things from Brenna fast. I have been doing "Signing Time" and had Brenna as an example for language. The twins do say lots of words but not as many as I would expect. Signs are used by Brenna for fun and for me to communicate effectively to the twins but they don't do them back very often.

Instead Brenna has begun speaking like the twins. When they all want something...instead of words...Brenna will make the same sounds that the brothers are making. I guess it is good that they can all communicate together, but I was hoping that I would be part of the club.

***Brenna saw this "floaty" in a book and wanted one. We saw the same one at the store for a dollar. She has been carrying it around for a week waiting for the sun to come out.***

PUFF BALL GUN

This is a new favorite toy in our house. It is a gun made out of PVC piping. You use "puff balls", "dingle balls"... whatever the name of those things are...as the amo. Landon spends an entire day fetching the balls, and reloading the gun. They attempt to shoot it, but their lungs aren't strong enough. It sure is cute watching them try.

Word to the wise: if you put more than one "puff ball" in at a time. It will JAM.

PICK, PICK

I have always joked...as I pick my kids nose..."If you aren't going to do it, then I will." It is not funny anymore. Landon is continuously found with his finger all the way up his nose. Now I have to watch what I say, now that they can understand me.

OPERATION WEIGHT LOSS

I was spoiled. After I had the twins the weight flew off without ANY effort. Since I have stopped pumping it has steadily returned.

Phase 1: I tried not pigging out all the time...like I was able to do while pumping. But it did not work.

Phase 2: Two months of working out to the Firm 3 to 4 days a week. The result was 4 pound weight gain and jumped up a pant size. So many say "It is muscle". I must have had NO muscle to begin with. I do feel stronger, and my arms are getting ripped, but I am still not satisfied. I want sexy legs and then I will be happy.

Phase 3: Cardio. I bought a treadmill off of Craiglist that is a DREAM. It is the bottom of the line of the top of the line treadmill. Which retails for 2300.00. I got it for $250. It is solid and has all the bells and whistles. I am so excited. Running in Oregon is difficult unless you enjoy getting soaked and freeze. I ran after a workout and was surprised that my body approved. It felt GREAT.

My beef with my body revealed. It is not that I think that I am FAT, or that others bigger than me are FAT. I just think my body shape is not desirable with extra weight. I am tiny on top and thick on the bottom. Shane says he likes the "bo-donk-i-donk" but I do not. Maybe if it was firm and smooth.

NO SECRETS/SURPRISES

Shane and I were convinced that he was not getting a birthday present this year. The last few expensive things that he bought, were agreed upon only because with his puppy eyes said, "this can be my birthday present". This is a trick that he plays on the ever year. Some years I stick to my guns and do not give him anything ON his birthday. This year we were both convinced that he DEFINITELY would not get a gift.

Two days before his birthday I gave in. I got him a present but made the mistake of letting Brenna help me wrap it. We had a very lengthy conversation not to tell daddy. "It was a surprise". Well as soon as he walked in the door from work we started a conversation realized a few minutes later that Brenna was trying to butt in with something very important. Shane had not idea what her gibberish meant but as soon as I realized I took her out of the room and we had another conversation. She seemed to understand but as soon as we came back to Shane, I heard her once again. This time he knew what she was saying. BUMMER. At least he doesn't know what it is.

TEMPTED

...But I know better. After 3 babies get out of the tub at the same time at least one PEES on the floor before I get a diaper on. Brenna knows how to get out of the tub and use the potty but I am tempted...to teach them to pee in the tub, so they dont pee on my carpet;)

5 MINUTES

Since our condo is so condense I am able to keep my eyes and ears on my children at all times...until now. They have made me Primary Secretary...which I love. My last few weeks have been trying to update and simplify lists. This takes my FULL attention or else I make mistakes.

It is AMAZING what 5 minutes of intense concentration can do. The outcome is HORRIFYING!!! I find babies in the fridge, or in the bathroom the the toilet. I find them outside, or everything out of cabinets. I find crayons half eaten, or kids in the dryer. I find sippy cups turned upside down and shaken until contents are all over the floor. I find Landon is snacking on Brenna's left over breakfast.

How does this happen? I thought my house was baby proof. It is not baby proof when there is a smart 3 year old unlocking doors and cabinets.

NURSERY

SUCCESSFUL. Their first day in nursery was nothing short of a dream come true. It may have helped that Brenna is in there too. They went right in, played quietly, ate snacks nicely. Now if we can only REteach Brenna to use the bathroom by herself...which she has been doing for about 4 months but has conveniently forgot.

LOCKED IN

The door to the kids room locks from the outside. We lock it until they go to bed... or so we don't get interrupted unexpectedly (TMI, sorry). But Brenna has learned to unlock ALL the doors in our house. Which also means she can lock ALL the doors in the house.

I never predicted that this would be a problem until...I was changing Jackson diaper and Brenna locked us in and her and Landon out. I did not stress. I can climb out the window and come in the front door if worse comes to worse. Then I remembered that the front and back doors are locked due to the same problem.

Thank goodness she figured out how to open it... or else Jackson and I would still be in there because Shane also doesn't take his house key to work.

HOUSE OF ECHOES

They have learned that in the parking lot of our complex, which is surrounded by the buildings, they can say "echo" and it makes cool sounds. Inside the house there is CONSTANT noise. The brothers are echoing everything I say, or everything each other says. Brenna echoes herself with her constant repetition of the same question, which once answered, changes to a new one, but only slightly. "Mom, I want some water, mom" repeated 5 times before I can squeeze in a reply, "No, not right now". "Mom, I want some milk, mom". My favorite is when she lumps it altogether. "Mom, I want milk, candy, blankie,movie, mom".

SO POLITE

Where do kids learn it? They hit a certain age and "please", "thank you" and "excuse me" come easily out of their mouths. Jackson is my MOST polite one. He always says "thank you" and SOMEHOW learned excuse me. If he burps he says "me...meee". Today I was feeding him lunch and wanted him to open his mouth wide for a bite. I told him to say, "OOOOO". He did and I guess is sounded to him like a burp and he said, "excuse me".

If I was a better mom I would take all the credit, but it came natural this time.

LITTLE MAMA

You also "cant hide your sins" when it comes to what type of mother you are when no one is around. Brenna is a mirror image of me. She says what I say. Interacts with the brothers as I do. She is a "little mama".

I got done with a workout and lied down on the bed to cool off. (Yes, I was sweaty, but don't worry it was Shane's side of the bed;). Brenna came in and brought me her blankie. She came in a few minutes later with a sippy cup of water...a doll...pulled my blanket over me...gave me a kiss and a hug...said I love you...locked the door handle and said "Now don't come out, Go good-ni-night."

I am also not a sweet, mild tempered mama. I am rough, wrestle, growl, and clench my fists. Jokingly of course but...Brenna does the same. When the boys are getting into something she clenches her fists, growls "OOOOOWWWWW" and gives them a flick on the hand.

Yes...I will work on my mothering habits. Shane sometimes says that our upstairs neighbor must think I am always in a bad mood because he can only hear the growling and raised voice and not the playfulness.

FIVE YEARS...WOW!

Five years down...an eternity to go. Has it been easy? Are you kidding me!!! Do I look like an easy person to live with? Did I come from a healthy family that taught conflict resolution and manners? Did I have parents with a healthy relationship? Do I come from a long line of stable emotions? Nope!!! I am a woman and he is a man. But...it is GREAT!!! Why? Because he is GREAT!!!

Gentle
FORGIVING
Kind
Even tempered (thank goodness, because I can ask for it)
Fun
FUNNY
Genuine
Can take out in public
PURE, but pretends to be rebellious
Works hard (if he NEEDS to)
Plays hard
Handyman
Teachable
Smart (innately knows what is right)
Friendly (everyone adores him instantly)
Trainable (most important ;))

He is wonderful. I LOVE HIM!!!

DECODING BABY TALK

Number One:

I am trying to teach Brenna to have conversations. I usually ask her how her day is, or why she loves her brothers...but today I asked a different one.

Me: "Brenna, what is the name of your doll?"
Brenna: "Book of Mormon."
Me: ???
Me: "You named your doll 'Book of Mormon'?"
Brenna: "Yes, Book of Mormon."
Me: "Why did you name her that?"
Brenna: "Cause." (the way she answers most questions)
Me: "What is your name?"
Brenna: "Book of Mormon."
Me: "Oh Book of Mormon means Brenna Morgan".

***I was not completely misunderstanding her. I asked Brenna a few weeks later what the name of her doll was and she said, "Jesus Christ, Amen"***

GUN ADDICTION

If I would have know...I may have rethought the words before they came out of my mouth..."Shane, I have been working on getting the food storage part of survival, but I really feel we need a gun."

In the space of a few months we are now the proud owners of a Springfield Armory XD handgun and an AR15 (for the extra LITTLE umph of protection)

Any woman would think that this would satisfy the household need. Nope not my man. He has turned into a MONSTER!!! Now he is convinced (and may be right), that I need a gun, and need to take shooting lessons. Which I am not opposed to but...who is going to pay for ALL this. That is one bonus of not getting EDOs.

***EDOs is a list that I put myself on at work. If the hospital is overstaffed, they begin at the top of the list (which is where my name is always found) and begin calling them off. I am known at work as the "EDO Queen"...and secretly hated" ;)

UPDATE: DATE/TEMPLE NIGHTS

It is WONDERFUL. Shane and I have gone to the temple one night and out the eat the next. We got to go to a Moroccan restaurant in Portland where we would never be able to take the kids. We sat on the floor and ate with our hands. Best of all...we were on a date. I really was brought back to how it felt to not have kids and be engulfed in the other persons attention.

The babysitting gig is not so bad either. Yes, my house is a disaster afterward. Yes, there is a lot of screaming, running around, and intermittent crying. Yes, it was A LOT to watch 6 kids at once that are under 6 years old. But it was SO worth it knowing that next week it was my turn for the BLISS of a break from the kids accompanied by my LOVER.

THINGS I LOVE/HATE ABOUT OREGON

Number One: Not-So-Sunny Days

Oregon seems to always be rainy...which I have learned to live with. I have learned to love the Pros over the cons. Pros:It is GREEN and gorgeous wherever you look. The Cons: a morning of beautifully manipulating my hair goes down the drain as soon as the mist gets me when I walk out the door.

But worse of all are the Not-So-Sunny Days. It is the transition from spring to summer. Like this morning for example. The babies played in the "rock" box for awhile in the sunshine. I got brave enough to attempt the park. We have two parks close to our house. One is an easy walk and the other a hike up hill both ways ;). I decided to attempt the hike, because I needed to burn the extra calories. Once I was almost there, without warning, it began to sprinkle and then rain. We were wet by the time we got home.