ALL DONE

It should not be as upsetting as it is, but I am in the process of stopping pumping. My little sister is getting married in February and I do not one more carryon to worry about when traveling. I also want to hangout instead of excusing myself every few hours to pump. Plus the doctor said that another reason that Landon is so skinny is because I give him too much milk, so he is not as hungry when meals come around.

I am finding the process more difficult than I realized. I still produce ALOT of milk and am always about to explode. I hope that mastitisis is not in the near future.

Emotionally I am hooked. Why? I have no idea. Possibly because breast milk was my means to successful, unintentional weight loss. I could eat like a pig and still lose weight. I am not ready to work out yet.

The babies are ready. I have pumped for almost 15 months so far. That is far better than I could have expected.

GERD

A long awaited diagnosis. Landon has always been noticably smaller than Jackson but the end of December he acted as though he was choking on something and then threw up. The week before Brenna had a stomach virus for 3 days and could not keep any food/water down... so I naturally thought that Landon had caught the bug. He threw up one more time that night and then the next day seemed to be better. I kept his bottles/spoons separate from Jacksons just in case.

I noticed a few days later that he was declining solid foods and when he did take some... he would regurgitate it up. Then he was drooling alot and did not seem to swallow well. He also would cry if not medicated. I took him to the doctor and the doctor dignosed him as possible viral pharyngitis and told me he would be better in a few days.

A week later, Landon was still now eating solids. He was taking puree though, and I was still feeding him mostly breast milk. Now he had also started this purring wet breathing. He did not have a cough. It was just in his throat. He never had a fever and never passed it onto Jackson. He also begged for me to hold him constantly.

After a month he finally began swallowing solids again, and playing normal, but the purring continued. He also looked way skinny.

Online led me to believe that he had acid reflux. He lacked the classic symptoms, but had all the other signs. The doctor agreed and medication was started. He is eating alot better and is happy again.

EGG SEPARATOR

One of my favorite toys to play with when the kids help me cook.

SIGNING

Here is Brenna signing. The boys only do a few sparatically if cued(thank you, milk, more, food). Brennas does some that I love... share, butterfly, bug, grumpy, scared, cracker, play.

SKINNY TWIN

Why is Landon so skinny? They were born about a pound difference in weight. I thought that they would even out as they grew but....Landon is noticably skinnier and the gap is widening instead of closing. Why?

Landon has never really cared for food. He will take a few bites, or finish half a bottle, and then move on. If Jackson or Brenna did not get to it first, I would have to offer the second half in 30 minutes.

Landon got a illness recently where he could not swallow anything but puree. He now has reverted back to only mamas milk. By his own choice. I still offer food but he does not take more then a few bites and then shakes his head no, or does not open his mouth. I fear I will forever pump.

Landon started walking first and is always running around, burning calories.

Landon plays with his food instead of eating it. Most, if not all, ends up on the floor.

Landon would rather play than beg at my feet for bites of what I am eating.

Jackson on the other hand. I still make enough for two babies but he ends up eating both servings. I have started weaning Jackson and giving Landon more of mamas milk and Jackson gets so upset when he doesnt get a bottle too- even if he just had one. Jackson eats everything put in front of him.

TERRIBLE TWOS

I pride myself on my self control with my children. I have been a loving patient mom...the majority of the time. But Brenna hit a new stage...and it is hard. She turns 3 in March...why the terrible twos now. I usually can breathe and figure out a way through it, or Shane (the natural) has excellent advice. She is testing the limits something fierce. It mainly manifests itself in "screaming" at bed time...but today it was the first naptime tantrum. Shanes advice is "let her scream"...but after 15 minutes it is unbearable. Whenever I give in and open the door...it stops instantly and her little sweet voice requests one more thing.

Please, please, please end soon. Or HF please teach me what to do so that I am ready when it comes at me in doubles.

One of the other reasons that I fight off the baby hunger.

PRESSURE COOKER

Pre-twins I was a devoted cook. I loved seeking out new recipes and cooking for everyone. Post-twins...I dare admit that it is not so. Cooking is DANGEROUS! I usually have Brenna on the counter and two boys around my feet. I also do not get to the grocery store often, or get time at the computer, so I never have the ingredients for new recipes. I have been cooking the same-old-things for 2 years- at least. Not to mention the clean up afterwards while I have neglected children screaming at this point. It is no longer joyful.

But...for Christmas I got a pressure cooker. I find it intimidating and forgein so I have put off using it. But after Karen made beans in 12 minutes and AShley made a pot roast in record time...I tried mine out. I made Texican Chili, which usually sits in a slow cooker for at least 4 hours... in FIVE MINUTES.

I am saved. A pressure cooker + baby gate + new movie for the children and I should be back in business.

A GIRL? NOW?

My whole postpartum and beyond I still got baby hungry. It is overwhelming and silly. With Shanes help I am able to push it aside...but the other day when I had finally come to the conculsion that I would not be able to bear it...Shane says,

"Lets have a girl".
"What? Now?".
"Sure".
"No and do not even talk about it"
"We can name her Katlyn"
"No"
"Why cant we talk about it?"
"Because then I will think about, get baby hungry again, and soon be nauseated everyday"

It would be impossible...but secretly in the back of my mind the consideration still lingers. It is the truth.

STRESSFUL

I thought I would go crazy after the last week or so. The holiday season meant that we were at Shanes parents house mosts days and some nights.

Routine was shot and the babies were fussy as a result. They did not get good naps...and the result is not pretty.

I was working more because people were on vacation and hospital was understaffed...the result is not pretty for me or the babies.

Landon was sick with an unknown choking illness, where he could not swallow food. This scared me. But did resolve after a week and a half and no solid diagnosis from the MD.

I found a mysterious lump in my breast and spent Christmas eve with the MD and the ultrasound technician. It turned out to be nothing and is now gone.

Shane was on "vacation" and was not as willing to help.

Shane and I spent all of our time hanging out with a brother that was home from college and no time alone. I NEED my Shane time or... the result is not pretty.

But all is back to how it should be. I am back to the patient loving mother and wife and am no longer willing to give away my children ;).

EASY?

I was talking to a mother about our children and she said at the end that I "have it easy"!!!!. She said that my children are so mild and easygoing that it must be a breeze. Never thought that I would hear that.

THINGS I SAY

My family loves my babytalk. It is certainly unique. The babies have a new nickname each month. I am always saying new phrases. But there are some phrases that are die hard.

Squooshies=bum cheeks

"No chok'n the boy", which Brenna now says whenever the twins cough or choke. And If I say the boys then pretend to choke.

"Whatcha gonna say and whatcha gonna do."

Duplicates. Since Brenna was born I say most things in duplicates. The rest of my family have been caught doing the same. It is catchy ;). I had a dream when Brenna was a year that someone came to me and said that they were concerned that Brenna was not talking yet. I said, "What! She talks all the time" and they said. "No Clarissa... she just says 'peakity, peakity' for everything"

"Where are you going and what are you going to do when you get there?"

MULLETS

I never thought that they were in the least attractive. But nobody will let me give my babies a haircut because their mullets are too cute. Pictures will follow.