PREGNANT?

Haha...made you look. Heres the story. Directly after I had the twins I restarted taking birth control, eventhough I knew I probably wouldnt get my period for awhile breastfeeding twins. I did not want to take ANY chances. The birth control that I took was a pill that you take daily continuously, no breakes. You dont get a period. For 15 months I took it faithfully assuming that it was doing its job.

Month 15 I quit breastfeeding and month 16, even with taking the pill, I had my first period. Which leads me to believe that the pill was not working. I stopped taking it, and relied on other efforts. Well I am 2 weeks late and no period. I read online that it can take up to 4 months before the cycle gets regular again. I am in denial and will not take a pregnancy test- plus I am too cheap to buy one. I will hope for a period daily (that is the first and last time you will ever hear those words come out of my mouth).

I also learned that pregnancy is not an option at this time. Shane freaked out when I told him the possibility. Rubbing his head and repeating over and over, "What are we going to do?" I would quit work, potientially lose my license, live on a STRICT budget after taking a hit on the house and have to pay off the amount that we owe about current marker value. Have to save for a new bigger place, because 4 will not fit in that little room.

***Went to work on Friday, Charge RN asked if anyone is pregnant because some pts pregnant RNs cant have. I voiced that it may be possible. A coworker said she was going to buy me a pregnancy test and bring it Saturday night. Saturday afternoon...I got my period. Now my lesbian coworker (remember I live in Portland) has a pregnancy test she will never use.***

ADDICTED

How did I become an Dr. Pepper addict? I have never been a soda drinker. I enjoyed it every once and a while, but never bought it just to have in my house and use daily. It all got worse once I had the twins. I started drinking one can of soda a day. It has now almost been 18 months and the habit continues. I have a husband that shares my belief that it is poison. Every time I open a can I cannot help but think that I am going to lose my kidneys or get cancer. But I cannot help it. I have tried to quit several times and find that rationalization wins over logic and self control.

My rationalizations are...

I have three babies and run on no sleep.

I am nicer mom once I get an energy boost.

4 hours of sleep after up for 24 hours of work (mommy and nurse) is not enough to run on without help.

But I have also realized that I cannot reach my weight loss goals on it. It makes me hungry, munchy, drink less water and generally feel lousy and unhealthy. I am in the process of quiting, but my only hang up is night shift and post shift.

HEAVENLY MUSIC

I do not own a large amount of music. I think that most of my music is still on tapes ;). I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how to get church music into my home daily. I considered combing facebook for people willing to let me borrow their CDs. If I was more hip, and kept up with the trends I would have learned this much faster, but I just barely discovered all that Pandora Radio online has to offer. They have a Mormon Tabernacle channel that plays Mo Tab plus all kinds of other church music. I just turn it on when we wake in the morning and we all enjoy. It sets off our day to a good start. I LOVE it.

SPARROW AGAIN

I really need to repost this at least once a month.

LANDONS QUIRKES

Since he was barely able to move his hands he has been pulling hair. I am not sure if he just loves the feel of it or what. He does not do it meanly, or when he is mad. He does it when they are in the cart together at the store, in their car seats...

He also LOVES to hit people with objects. Sometimes I will have Brenna run to me for comfort and then Jackson immediately after. His favorites are spatulas and attachments to the vacuum. I was giving his a flick whenever he did it. Then he would just stare at their heads and point, or motion the object in that direction with a smile; as if he could not resist, he just wanted to do it so bad.

When he gets upset. he messes up everything around him and then pants until I get him to smile. He is my sweetest but I can tell he is going to be a handful.

VACUUMING

Strangely my children have never been afraid of the vacuum. They do not bolt for the couch and cry until it is over, like I have seen other kids do. They LOVE it. They stand in my way so that I cannot uniformly vacuum the floor. Whenever I stop they are all three around it, touching it, or stealing the attachments. The newest thing that tops it all...they pull out the plug at LEAST 10 times per room. The game is to vacuum as much as possible before the vacuum turns off.

FIRST HAIRCUTS

Long overdue. The mullets had become scruffy and unruly. A movie + candy + patience= success. The only problem was trying to get Brenna to understand that she STILL does not have enough hair for a haircut.

PRIVATE BLOG

This makes me sad. Reality hit and I realized that I had a "stalker", or someone viewing my blog at least 500 times in 6 months, leaving strange comments in Japanese characters. I am not THAT entertaining or interesting.

I have received a lot of comments lately about my blog. I am proud of it. It helps me to laugh about my life and press on. I am also very quiet in real life. Only a choice few people really know everything about me. People say that they learn a lot about me from my blog.

I loved living in denial, thinking that tons of people read my blog. I know that I have a few regulars...thank you.

DECORATING AROUND

Decorating around...food storage that is. Our tiny little two bedroom condo has barely enough room for us. Yes of course we have a garage but...the HOA has their hands on that area...therefore we are forced to decorate our food storage. Good-bye box springs and bed frame. Good-bye coffee and end table. Hello bulky mammoth of an "end table", and bumpy "bed frame".

Now where to put 8 barrels of water...

FOOD STORAGE GONE WILD

What I will do to save a few dollars. About $200 to be "semi" exact. Yes of course I could have canned our three year supply in 10# cans at the LDS cannery, but that would have been the easy way. Instead...

We bought the food in bulk from the cannery.
Bought 4 gallon buckets off craiglist for 85 cents, that were filled with pumpkin pie filling.
Pressure washed all 50 buckets and their lids.
Bought mylar bags.
Put them in the buckets.
Filled with food and 02 absorber.
Sealed them.
And...an exhausted husband later...we have nicely organized >25 year food storage.

BOYS... ARE BOYS

All of the sudden...they became boys. They go from room to room...WRESTLING. It is so cute because they are both the about the same size. Turns out that my little runt, Landon, is the instigator. Brenna cannot stand being on the sidelines but she is used to wrestling with her cousins Jett and Tucker, and she is not very soft with the brothers.

DAILY DANCE PARTY

The babies long outgrew my last "secret weapon" ...the bowl of lemons. I have been searching for a new one, and finally found it. If they are all extra cranky...or if I am cranky;)...I turn on the music and we boogy.



The battery on my camera died right when Jackson started to dance. BUMMER!!

DATE/TEMPLE NIGHTS

From General Conference I realized that I NEED to go to the temple more. I have plans to go to the 4:45am session on Tuesdays but I have been saying that for 3 months now. I also want more dates with my LOVE. So...I convinced my sister-in-law to switch me off Wednesdays. Every Wednesday it will be our turn to either watch all 6 kids under 6 years old, or go out on a date. I am a GENIUS!!!

SQUEALS, SCREAMS

In order to SURVIVE, my babies have learned how to use their lungs as their defense. It has gotten bad. Most days I feel like it is constant screaming at my house.

They scream...

When the other one gets close.

If a toy is taken from them.

For mama to pick them up.

If they are frustrated because they cant do something they want- because they are too small and not capable.

And just for fun, smiling as they do it.

Brenna has learned that this works well also. They all create reason to scream. For example...Landon has begun stealing Jacksons blankie. They play tug of war and squeal loudly. If I give them another of the SAME blankie, they toss it to the side and continue tug of war with the original one.

I am training them. They get a flick on the hand if they scream. I do not see any progression yet. Hopefully they learn soon or else my finger will get sore.

SURPRISE BOX

About a year ago Grandma Karen was over stealing on of my many baby shower bags. She wrapped up her presents very nicely but as she went to leave...Brenna threw a FIT. She thought that those presents were for her. I used my fast motherly thinking and grabbed a shoe box, threw a candy in it, and put a ribbon around the outside. I had no idea the monster that I was creating.

Brenna LOVED it. Everyday she would bring me the shoebox and ask for a birthday. It took awhile to teach her that everyday was not her birthday, but that it was a "surprise box". The box was cute pink and white. It was a fun little thing between her and mama.

The box has seen its days and has recently been recycled. But...today she got new shoes and the box is pink and cute again. So it continues.

COULD HAVE BEEN BAD

I drive a stick shift car. I am very good about putting it in first gear, and putting on the emergency brake when I park.

One night as I rushed to the store and back. I pulled into the garage, which is getting fairly overcrowded. I pulled too far in and bonked a few things. So I put the car in reverse and back up slightly. I got out of the car and looked at the stuff I bonked. The car was a little further back than I thought that I reversed. Oh well my hands were full so I proceeded to walk inside and I would return to shut the garage door. I did happen to take one last glance before I turned the corner and noticed that the car was sticking out of the garage a little. I must have really overcompensated after I bonked that stuff. It wasnt until I returned to the garage that the car was even further out.

After I reversed I forgot to take it out of reverse and did not put on the parking brake. The car was rolling backward and if I did not catch it soon it would have been down the hill and into the neighbors condo.

Needless to say I was so embarrassed that it took a few hours to confess it to Shane.

GLASSES

I spend most of my days at home with fuzzy vision because my kids LOVE to get my glasses. As soon as I put them on, they go straight for them. They get smugded, scratched, and stretched out. I am planning on getting contacts, or teaching them not to touch, but until then I got them some sunglasses at Childrens Place. They are adorable. They wear them well, and put their index fingers up bilaterally for a "cool dude".

"SAND"BOX

The kids love to play outside. I love for them to play outside their a few reasons why we dont do it.

There is a steep downward slope directly outside our back door. The brothers just fall down it constantly.

Our backyard is also the neighborhoods favorite place to let their dogs roam. And they do not pick up after themselves. Which leads to another funny story. It drives Shane insane that dog poop is all over our grass so...he made a nice pile and swore that if he found out who it was...he would leave it on their doorstep. Well. Brenna found it first. We did not notice that she found it until we went to get her out of the car and she had wiped her poopy dog feet all over the back of the drivers side seat.

There are stairs leading to the neighbors house right around the corner and the brothers cannot get enough of them. They are not trustworthy on the stairs yet. Also the landing and stairs are concrete and I know if they fell there would be blood and lots of it.

So...I got a "sand"box on craigslist. I did not want to fill it with sand because of cats, and the mess that it would make. So it is full of pea sized gravel and it has a lid. They LOVE it. On sunny days, they spend all day outside.

Brenna plays good in it but Landon is constantly throwing the rocks out, and Jackson tries to eat them.

Also there have been more and more cats coming around. It does have a lid, thank goodness.

SICKIES

All babies got the flu last week. We had a movie-thon for 4-5 days straight. We survived it but it was a struggle.

I had 2 babies that only wanted to be held by their mama. They DID NOT want to share me. Most of the time they just sat in my lap trying to push the other one off. I could not get anything done while holding them. We just sat and rocked...and sat and rocked.

Brenna was the hilarious one. She is old enough to know how to MILK it. She would either be lying in front of the movie with all of her favorite things - sippy of water, blankie, doll, and mamas pillow. If she was not watching a movie than she was on mamas bed. She would not come out for something. We would just randomly hear. "Shane!...water!", "Twissa...candy bar (granola bar)"

A few days after getting better and we are still trying to get her out of the demanding, entitled, get-whatever-I-want attitude.

GERM FREAK

To say the LEAST. Having 3 babies I am a GERM FREAK whenever one gets sick, so that not only I, but all the others do not get sick at the same time. "It can not be that bad!?", is what I hear you saying in your mind. Well Let me paint you a picture and then you judge for yourself.

Last week Landon started showing signs of the FLU - YIKES!!! I did not want three kids with the flu so...

Landon got 2-3 baths per day. Mainly because he had snot everywhere and intermittent vomit. Also somewhere in my childhood I learned that taking a bath when you are sick makes everything better. A practice that I use on a daily basis but ramp up to extreme when I am sick.

When I held Landon I wore a robe. He would rub his nose or cough into it. Then if Jackson or Brenna needed something I would remove the robe, wash my hands and take care of them.

I wash my hands after touching ANY child, or surface. I do not touch my face or ears.

I do 2 loads of wash a day.

I keep all spoons and sippies, bottles labeled and designated to the child.

I sterlize/boil all things touched, at least twice per day.

After all this you may think that the other 2 are safe from catching what Landon had. No. Jackson of course got a hold of Landons bottle and had a fever a few hours later. And Brenna loved to take all toys that Landon was playing with, right out of his snotty hands.

I did save my self though. I ate a RAW clove of garlic everyday, and took an abundance of vitamin D pills as well as sunshine -when available. I also put hydrogen peroxide in my ears for 10 minutes daily. I came out with a mild headache and runny nose.

CHEF TO BE

I used to cook all the time. I love it and lived for trying out new recipes. But I am a chef no more. I usually figure out dinner by digging through the cupboards at the last minute. I blame it on the fact that I am not able to get to the store very often for food. I go only when I NEED milk, and even then have just time enough to run in and out.

I have a new goal. One NEW recipe a week. Lets see if I can pull it off.

SURPRISE DIAGNOSIS

I have been worried about Landon since last Christmas. I have been hounding the MD trying to get a hand on a definate diagnosis for Landons symptoms. The GERD medications were not relieving the symtpoms so the MD wanted to do a study to see if he is just pooling food and not swallowing adequately.

The MD told me that he was going to order a "barium swallow study", but instead ordered a Upper GI and esphogram. Before we realized that the wrong study had been ordered they had allready done a "prep" xray of Landons abdomen.

I figured that since we soon after figured out that it was not ordered, that maybe they would just delete the image that they took. But...I got a call from the MD telling me that on the original image it showed that Landon had a KIDNEY STONE. Rare in children.

So onto the next step of multiple consults with specialists and with the MD to figure out what to do.

The good thing is that Landon does not seem bothered by the stone...yet. Poor baby.

****Update: False diagnosis. No stones after all. An expensive mistake.

FEELING * PREPARED

The * equals...somewhat, getting there, close but yet so far. I feel that we will survive if calamity strikes. I have the "preparedness" bug and have spent a few months and thousands of dollars on getting prepared. I feel that the prophets have been warning use for YEARS and I always intended to...but now I am.

There are a few coworkers at work that are nonmembers but I call them my "doom and gloom" committee. They are reading the signs of the times and are feeling the need to be prepared. They do not even have a prophet to guide them and they are feeling it.

I have to admit that I fear, more than I have faith. My mother-in-law tells me that it is more important to prepare spiritually...which I am severely lacking. My Aunt- who I love more than anyone in the world- told me that she became anxious and feared for the future but then she realized that angels will be there to lift us up if we are faithful. They were both speaking of course about the importance of being prepared at the same time...not strikly realing of faith.

My house has so much food I do not have anywhere to live. Shane is enjoying his handgun. And I am finally beginning to focus on the nontemporal areas in my life.

BRENNAS CAKE

I had a blast making the brothers tractor cakes for their birthday so I decided to make Brenna a fun one. I gave her a choice of 3 cakes and she chose the most elaborate. It took me all day and...is not flawless by any means, but...was fun. The whole time I was making it Brenna sat on the counter and just said, "Wow, mommy" over and over again.

BRENNA IS THREE

She is a sweetheart...but if you tell her she will say, "No I am Brenna" The day she turned three something reclicked and now she is independent again. She wants to do it all herself.

She is sweet and motherly to her brothers except she knows that she is bigger than them and can take what she wants if they have it.

She loves to sleep in her tent in her sleeping bag, blankie, water, and mamas old pillow (which she took). She still ends up in our bed before the night is out.

She gives me kisses on my cheek or tries to hold my hand if she wants my attention when I am on the computer.

She by mid morning she ends up with a dress over the outfit she has on. For her birthday this year we went down the "pink isle" for the first time. We got her a princess dress with all the accessories. She LOVED it. She plays with action figures and plays hard with boys but is very girlie when the time comes.

She loves movies and watches one a day. Except last week when all the kids had the flu. We had a movie-thon for 5 days straight.

She calls daddy "shane" and sometimes mommy "Clarissa"

She does not eat dinner very well. We are working on that.

TOILET PAPER

My twins are FASCINATED with toilet paper. They run for it whenever the bathroom is open. We no longer keep it on the wall roller. We realized quickly that a roll of toilet paper can unravel before we can get to the brothers to stop them. We just keep the roll on the counter...and if we can remember...out of arms reach.

FIRST FLIGHT

We knew it was going to be bad, but we did not appreciate added curve balls. Our flight to AZ was scheduled to depart at 7:00pm. So we knew that with 2 lap babies and one 2 year old, we needed to be there early. We also had three carseats, 2 suitcases, 3 bags to carry to the desk. Yes, this was packing light.

We got to the airport at 4:30pm, got through security and sat down about 5:45pm. It was a sight to watch us travel to the front desk. We needed 2 extra pairs of hands...at least. We got a bite to eat, then we found a cute little play area for the kids. Shortly after Shane decided to recheck on our flight status. The horrible news was that our flight was DELAYED until 10:00PM!!!

5 hours in the airport feels like 10 with 3 kids. Thank goodness for the play area with lots of toys and NICK jr to keep us company. We gave the boys a dose of benadryl (shhh), while eating dinner, before we found out that our flight was delayed. Turns out that it did not touch them. I used a small dose out of fear of how it would react. Before that flight we gave them another dose. Neither doses worked. The babies were wide awake the whole plane ride.

We knew that people would not appreciate sitting next to us on the plane, so we strategically picked a row near the back. It wasnt until right before take off that the stewartess told us that there could not be 5 people in one row, because there were only 4 o2 masks per row. That meant that 2 rows of people would be effected but our children. I was not happy.

We spent most of the trip in the back of the plane standing with the stewartess'. They were AMAZING. We arrived in AZ at 2:00am. Landon fell asleep as we touched down. But we still had to carry EVERYTHING to get our rental car. It was a shuttle away. It was not until 3:45am, that we were all settled in our beds.

On the way back, our flight was ontime and we had my mom to help carry children through the airport. But on the flight, Brenna was a tornado full of energy. We druged the boys pretty heavilly. But they cried whenever we sat down. The stewartess' were not happy to share their space with us. Landon was eating a granola bar and was SERIOUSLY choking as we were taking off. He threw up all over himself, me and Brenna. The guy in the row with Brenna, Landon and I, was not friendly and did not like that he was sitting next to us. But the couple next to Shane played and colored with Brenna while Shane and I stood in the back of the plane.

Thank you to the man that carried a carseat to the security desk when my hands were full. Thank you to the woman who played and colored with Brenna while we were waiting to board in AZ to OR. Thank you for the girl on the plane to AZ sitting next to me, who I overheard had anxiety problems when flying, who took out her phone and made it into a fish tank for Landon to look at when he was upset. Thank you to "uncle Chuck" as he came to call himself, who smelled like beer, but helped on our plane ride to OR. Thank you to the nice couple that played and colored with Brenna on the way back to AZ. Thank you to Benadryl. THANK HEAVENLY FATHER for the instant answers to prayers when petitioned.

FOOD STORAGE

For about a year I have been terrified that I need a food storage. I guess it all began when Shane was going to flight school, I was the breadwinner, and I was put on bedrest suddenly. We were instantly POOR. Somehow I was previously inspired to pay out our mortgage 6 months in advance, so we did survive with minimal help. But I realized that in just a few weeks our cupboards were BARE. It was shocking how fast it happened. Since then we have a 3-6month supply of the foods that we eat all the time, taking up the majority of my closet. I feel semi-content that we will survive if something else surprises us unexpectedly...but what if it is worse then just a lost job.

I know that anxiety and fear is not of the spirit but I am working on my faith in this area. In the meantime we are bulking up on longterm food storage. I spent 1600.00 on what I felt was edible essentials, but I have so far to go. The majority was Freeze dried meats, beacause I am not a canner and am not sure whow else to store meat.

Then Wendy Dewitt, a professional food storager, came to our stake and got my extended family gung ho. She is on Youtube and a genius. My mother-in-law got a can vaccum sealer, wheat grinder, and other essentials and we are doing it!

NAPS

In order to SURVIVE, naps have been strict and and fixed. My children have cooperated for the most part...until now.

Brenna: We try to take a nap when the brothers go down and then I wake up a half an hour later realizing that Brenna is still playing. Then she gets grumpy in the evening. So I try later naps where sometimes she still just lays there and plays. She is not quite to the no nap stage but the transition is a learning experience.

The brothers: They used to go down for naps easy and quick. Now they still take 2 naps a day...but they play together over the side rails for at least an hour. I cant complain. They do not cry...they just play.

Me: Sometimes I am able to nap when the boys nap and Brenna plays. But most of the time she brings me a book or a game every 5 minutes. I count my blessings when I do get a little shut eye...but it is rare.

ALL DONE

It should not be as upsetting as it is, but I am in the process of stopping pumping. My little sister is getting married in February and I do not one more carryon to worry about when traveling. I also want to hangout instead of excusing myself every few hours to pump. Plus the doctor said that another reason that Landon is so skinny is because I give him too much milk, so he is not as hungry when meals come around.

I am finding the process more difficult than I realized. I still produce ALOT of milk and am always about to explode. I hope that mastitisis is not in the near future.

Emotionally I am hooked. Why? I have no idea. Possibly because breast milk was my means to successful, unintentional weight loss. I could eat like a pig and still lose weight. I am not ready to work out yet.

The babies are ready. I have pumped for almost 15 months so far. That is far better than I could have expected.

GERD

A long awaited diagnosis. Landon has always been noticably smaller than Jackson but the end of December he acted as though he was choking on something and then threw up. The week before Brenna had a stomach virus for 3 days and could not keep any food/water down... so I naturally thought that Landon had caught the bug. He threw up one more time that night and then the next day seemed to be better. I kept his bottles/spoons separate from Jacksons just in case.

I noticed a few days later that he was declining solid foods and when he did take some... he would regurgitate it up. Then he was drooling alot and did not seem to swallow well. He also would cry if not medicated. I took him to the doctor and the doctor dignosed him as possible viral pharyngitis and told me he would be better in a few days.

A week later, Landon was still now eating solids. He was taking puree though, and I was still feeding him mostly breast milk. Now he had also started this purring wet breathing. He did not have a cough. It was just in his throat. He never had a fever and never passed it onto Jackson. He also begged for me to hold him constantly.

After a month he finally began swallowing solids again, and playing normal, but the purring continued. He also looked way skinny.

Online led me to believe that he had acid reflux. He lacked the classic symptoms, but had all the other signs. The doctor agreed and medication was started. He is eating alot better and is happy again.

EGG SEPARATOR

One of my favorite toys to play with when the kids help me cook.

SIGNING

Here is Brenna signing. The boys only do a few sparatically if cued(thank you, milk, more, food). Brennas does some that I love... share, butterfly, bug, grumpy, scared, cracker, play.

SKINNY TWIN

Why is Landon so skinny? They were born about a pound difference in weight. I thought that they would even out as they grew but....Landon is noticably skinnier and the gap is widening instead of closing. Why?

Landon has never really cared for food. He will take a few bites, or finish half a bottle, and then move on. If Jackson or Brenna did not get to it first, I would have to offer the second half in 30 minutes.

Landon got a illness recently where he could not swallow anything but puree. He now has reverted back to only mamas milk. By his own choice. I still offer food but he does not take more then a few bites and then shakes his head no, or does not open his mouth. I fear I will forever pump.

Landon started walking first and is always running around, burning calories.

Landon plays with his food instead of eating it. Most, if not all, ends up on the floor.

Landon would rather play than beg at my feet for bites of what I am eating.

Jackson on the other hand. I still make enough for two babies but he ends up eating both servings. I have started weaning Jackson and giving Landon more of mamas milk and Jackson gets so upset when he doesnt get a bottle too- even if he just had one. Jackson eats everything put in front of him.

TERRIBLE TWOS

I pride myself on my self control with my children. I have been a loving patient mom...the majority of the time. But Brenna hit a new stage...and it is hard. She turns 3 in March...why the terrible twos now. I usually can breathe and figure out a way through it, or Shane (the natural) has excellent advice. She is testing the limits something fierce. It mainly manifests itself in "screaming" at bed time...but today it was the first naptime tantrum. Shanes advice is "let her scream"...but after 15 minutes it is unbearable. Whenever I give in and open the door...it stops instantly and her little sweet voice requests one more thing.

Please, please, please end soon. Or HF please teach me what to do so that I am ready when it comes at me in doubles.

One of the other reasons that I fight off the baby hunger.

PRESSURE COOKER

Pre-twins I was a devoted cook. I loved seeking out new recipes and cooking for everyone. Post-twins...I dare admit that it is not so. Cooking is DANGEROUS! I usually have Brenna on the counter and two boys around my feet. I also do not get to the grocery store often, or get time at the computer, so I never have the ingredients for new recipes. I have been cooking the same-old-things for 2 years- at least. Not to mention the clean up afterwards while I have neglected children screaming at this point. It is no longer joyful.

But...for Christmas I got a pressure cooker. I find it intimidating and forgein so I have put off using it. But after Karen made beans in 12 minutes and AShley made a pot roast in record time...I tried mine out. I made Texican Chili, which usually sits in a slow cooker for at least 4 hours... in FIVE MINUTES.

I am saved. A pressure cooker + baby gate + new movie for the children and I should be back in business.

A GIRL? NOW?

My whole postpartum and beyond I still got baby hungry. It is overwhelming and silly. With Shanes help I am able to push it aside...but the other day when I had finally come to the conculsion that I would not be able to bear it...Shane says,

"Lets have a girl".
"What? Now?".
"Sure".
"No and do not even talk about it"
"We can name her Katlyn"
"No"
"Why cant we talk about it?"
"Because then I will think about, get baby hungry again, and soon be nauseated everyday"

It would be impossible...but secretly in the back of my mind the consideration still lingers. It is the truth.

STRESSFUL

I thought I would go crazy after the last week or so. The holiday season meant that we were at Shanes parents house mosts days and some nights.

Routine was shot and the babies were fussy as a result. They did not get good naps...and the result is not pretty.

I was working more because people were on vacation and hospital was understaffed...the result is not pretty for me or the babies.

Landon was sick with an unknown choking illness, where he could not swallow food. This scared me. But did resolve after a week and a half and no solid diagnosis from the MD.

I found a mysterious lump in my breast and spent Christmas eve with the MD and the ultrasound technician. It turned out to be nothing and is now gone.

Shane was on "vacation" and was not as willing to help.

Shane and I spent all of our time hanging out with a brother that was home from college and no time alone. I NEED my Shane time or... the result is not pretty.

But all is back to how it should be. I am back to the patient loving mother and wife and am no longer willing to give away my children ;).

EASY?

I was talking to a mother about our children and she said at the end that I "have it easy"!!!!. She said that my children are so mild and easygoing that it must be a breeze. Never thought that I would hear that.

THINGS I SAY

My family loves my babytalk. It is certainly unique. The babies have a new nickname each month. I am always saying new phrases. But there are some phrases that are die hard.

Squooshies=bum cheeks

"No chok'n the boy", which Brenna now says whenever the twins cough or choke. And If I say the boys then pretend to choke.

"Whatcha gonna say and whatcha gonna do."

Duplicates. Since Brenna was born I say most things in duplicates. The rest of my family have been caught doing the same. It is catchy ;). I had a dream when Brenna was a year that someone came to me and said that they were concerned that Brenna was not talking yet. I said, "What! She talks all the time" and they said. "No Clarissa... she just says 'peakity, peakity' for everything"

"Where are you going and what are you going to do when you get there?"

MULLETS

I never thought that they were in the least attractive. But nobody will let me give my babies a haircut because their mullets are too cute. Pictures will follow.

REPETITION

Brenna is at the stage of repeating herself, until she gets my attention, or what she wants...and at times it is unbearable. So I will focus on things that I love to do with Brenna.

She is old enough to play games with me. We got candyland for Christmas but she is the master of memory. She also likes slap jack.

I LOVE baths, so Brenna and I take one together everday.

My nickname from my dad was Kissy...he said it was because I would never give him a kiss. I have been trying to teach Brennna to be more affectionate and "soft", and she is alot better but at times I have to trick her. For example, to get a kiss I say "On the cheek...on the cheek" and when she tries I turn my head, so that she gives me one right on the lips.

She loves to help me cook. I have an egg separater that looks like a nose and the egg whites come out the nostrils. It is discusting. We love it.

She can finally sit through books and she wants to read for hours.

Before bed she gets her "soft" time with mama. We read a book or just rock in the rocking chair and snuggle. She holds me for a long time because she knows if she wiggles then it is bedtime.

WORDS OF WISDOM

I am often asked what advice I have to a future mother of twins. Here it is...

...Do not try to do everything. Some things HAVE to go by the wayside.

...Do not letting crying stress you out. You are only one person. Do one thing at a time.

...Play...play...play. If you TRY to accomplish something you will get frustrated when you find that you have 2 babies begging for attention. Just play and put the rest off until they are occupied or asleep. If they want your attention, give them 5 minutes and then they will be fine and you can get back to what you were doing.

...Get used to the indoors. Do not get upset when you cannot go somewhere. Get used to it. Staying home is way easier.

...Do not mess with nap time. Make it strict and fixed times.

...Pay for a babysitter to run errands. It is so worth the money.

...You never get a moments peace. Do not even except it, then you will not be disappointed.

...If you do get the oppritunity for a break...take it fully. Put the babies out of your mind and linger, browse, ponder...savor it.

...Accept ANY help.

...Ask if you need it. They will say no or take a long pause if they cannot.

Life is blessed and good. Figure it out, instead of getting frustrated. This stage will pass.

P.S. If it smells like it is poopy but when you change it there is nothing...just give it 5 minutes...it will come.