ARMED AND...

dangerous? I guess it depends on how you look at it. I have been sucked in and am now a proud owner of my own handgun. I plan on being concealed carry. VERY controversial I know. I strongly feel that I need the means and know how to protect my family in the future and now. If Shane is gone for whatever reason and my family is threatened, I want to be prepared.

I also felt that I needed my own gun so that I would learn to use it. Shane's is too scary and too much bang. The first time Karen shot it, after she shot the round she threw it at Shane's chest, and screamed.

So far I am a good shot...that is if I stand in "the stance", focus, and take slow deep breaths. I want to learn to shoot under pressure like Nutnfancy- Shane's YouTube idol.

Shane and his brother also made guns out of wood for the kids. Brenna has an AR15 and the other cousins have others like AK47s. Also, VERY controversial. I have quickly realized that their are only certain people I can confess this to.

***Yes, Brenna's gun is pink. Come on. She is not a complete tomboy. But I do think that Shane would draw the line if I tried to add glitter :)***

WIMPS\CRY BABIES

The brothers are ridiculously sensetive. Brenna is not so much which leads me to believe that it is more my fault than theirs. Brenna was raised by Shane while I worked full-time. The brothers cry when a new person comes into the room and glances in their driection, Their are probably a few factors that made it this way.

SMELLS

Oh there are so many smells in my house.

The laundry: I do laundry one day during the week and do not do another load unless desperation sets in. The pile of laundry can get a little ripe at times.

Diaper pail: A nice greeting to those who come to my home. It sits on my doorstep and fills up fast. Yes, I have heard of a diaper gennie but can you imagine the cost of replacement bags I would need yearly. It is embarrassing. But at least I do attempt to empty it daily.

Children: This includes my husband. Someone is always poopy or smells like it. Some days I change at least 6 poopy diapers. The nice thing is that the brothers are "regular" and both do it at the same time. And thank goodness Brenna is potty trained.

Spills: I cannot avoid it unless I put a gate up and only let the kids have sippy cups in the dining room. Plus there are the spots that have been thrown up on, or peed that seem to reek no matter how hard the chemical.

Oregon weather: I blame Oregon mainly. If is wasn't for the rainy cold weather, I would be able to open windows to air the place out.

WEIGHT VS HEALTH

I am not meant to lose weight I suppose. I have been working out hard 3 times a week since April, for the last month daily, and for a few weeks a 3 mile run. Which I can say that I am 10 times happier and healthier but I thought I would see some results!!! I learned that weighing myself only led to frustration...but today I was curious. Weight gain?!!?! It made me think of the slimquick commercial below. The other person in the commercial can be my husband, my sister-in-law, or just about anyone else on the planet. I am getting desperate and am at the point that I think that I would prefer having twins again just to have the calories fly off with ease.

I know that I am beautiful and thinner than most but I want it all, especially if I am working my tail off.

RUNNING

My philosophy on working out is to push it...but not too hard. I used to push it harder and harder until I dreaded working out and stopped. Shane's philosophy is the opposite. He has only run on the treadmill 3 times in 3 weeks and he is already a maniac.

Today he was running and SWEATING. Anyone who knows him, knows that this is his best talent. If he were a superhero he would be "Sweat Man" who destroys his enemies by building a lake and then drowning them.

Brenna was standing next to the treadmill as he worked out. She kept on telling me that it was raining. I looked out the window and said, "No, it is a sunny day". After a few times of her saying that it was raining in the house, I realized that Shane was drenching her with his excretions.

Yes, I do still find this man extremely attractive. ;)

FATHERS

I feel like I have been blessed when it comes to "Fathers".

Husband: Father of my children and a child himself. He is a GREAT father. He is wise and teaching yet playful and goofy. He sticks to his guns and disciplines yet is soft while doing it.

My father: I have this intense love for Josh Turner and Randy Travis's deep voices. I used to love to sit on my Dads lap in sacrament, snuggle his neck to smell his colgne and listen to him sing. I can only imagine that it sounded a lot like my two country idols. I was his little girl. I was there whenever he got home for work for a foot rub and back scratch. Then I would spend the rest of the evening snuggled up at his side. I went with him whenever he had a errand to run. I would ask each time where we were going and his reply was always "to the moon".

Papa: My father-in-law is pretty amazing too. He is wise, quiet, loving, simple. He is nonjudgmental and always a listening ear. He is young at heart and can take on any of his boys in water sports or on the dirt bike.

Adopted Father: Although my uncle has 7 children of his own, he did not struggle to love me as one of his own when I needed it most. He is big and scruffy just like my dad was and is a warm reminder of him. He was a comfort when I was in the most difficult stages of life. His presence is a safe haven and welcome place to return to whenever I can.

TRADE OFFS

In order to have a wife that is fit and happy in my house then there are some trade offs.

The treadmill in the living room: because staring at the wall was not cutting it. I did learn that there are some cool objects that can be made out of the drywall bumps if looked at long enough.

Dirty house after dinner: The house is spot less when husband comes home, but I have no desire to do dishes after dinner.

Bedtime helping: Husband can have a break after work until bedtime, but when it is time to get the babies ready for bed, I need help. I want them in bed quick so I can finally relax. Chasing around 3 babies for teeth brushing and pjs can be a chore for one exhausted mama.

Take care of what is yours: If I clean the house all day, I do not appreciate finding work clothes and shoes anywhere and everywhere. The corner of the kitchen counter is not a place for sports gear. I am organized and there is a special place designated for that.

****Wow, I just realized that I am writing this post the day after Father's Day. This is not to pick on my husband, just give a few friendly reminders ;). He is actually very helpful and amazing with the kids. Just posting the humor of motherhood.***

STRAWBERRIES

My first and only plant was planted this year with Brenna. I bought a strawberry plant that already had two or three leaves, potted it and we watched it take off. With all of the rain in Oregon I have not even had to water it. Brenna and I check on it daily and watch the strawberries get bigger. So far there have been 4 strawberries that we have picked. It is fun and yummy. If we didn't live in a small condo with no yard of my own, perhaps I would grow a garden bigger than just one plant.

OPERATION: PROACTIVE MOM UPDATE

It has only been two days but it is working out GREAT.

Singing time consists of me singing to the kids while they play. Sometimes they stop and watch, and do a few signs, but not much more. Brenna sits on my lap. I can tell that she feels that it is a special time because she gives me smiles and kisses as we sing. I also get to sing primary songs as well as wiggle songs. Even if they are playing hopefully the spirit is there and they hear gospel words and principles.

I have found that I actually have more time to myself. Less demands and crying. They get their mommy time and then they are happy to play by themselves or sit through a movie while I do "mommy stuff".

I am learning that it is possible for me to get up and exercise at 7:00am and that I am not anymore exhausted from it.

It has been fun to teach them how to use their imagination and also play the games that I enjoyed as a kid.

I find myself laughing and enjoying their company. I have learned quickly more of the quirks that each one has.

But...I am tired and ready to be done when Shane comes home. I can only imagine that this will improve...it has only been two days.

PHONE CALLS

My kids are obsessed with the phone and have been for a long time...but it is beginning to be ridiculous and probably annoying to others.

They find the phone no matter how hard I hide it.

They program in phone numbers or make phone calls on accident.

They call Grandma, Grandpa, Daddy, and cousins almost daily.

They crawl all over me trying to talk, or cry/beg while I am trying to make a phone call.

It really is adorable. The brothers actually talk as if they are having a conversation. They can go on for a long time. Brenna looks just like a teenager when she talks. She holds it to her ear with her shoulder, and paces the room. One thing that she does not understand is that the person on the other end cannot see what you are pointing to. I am trying to teach her to explain and describe.

DO NOT DISTURB

The brothers play together alot...they also fight over the same toy, or the same mama alot. Yet, one fact remains...they love eachother and miss the other one if they are gone.

Their naptimes are identical. If I am going to get a break, then it better be a worthwhile one. Lately, one brother seems to wake up at least a half an hour before the other one.

I enjoy the one on one attention but I have to constantly redirect the childs attention to me and off the fact that the other one is still in bed. The awake baby continually attempts to open, or knock on the bedroom door, that contains the sleeping child. If I do finally allow them into the room they squeal with joy and giggle as they get to the crib and find the brother.

DRESS IDENTICAL

When we first discovered that we were having twins, Shane voiced a very strict rule...they are not allowed to wear identical outfits. I guess that I did not spread the news because at my baby shower, before opening presents, someone asked me this question. I recieved silent stares as I explained Shanes law. I realized after I opened bags and bags of identical outfits, that I probably should not have answered honestly.

There have been times when they wore the same outfit, but most of the time it is different. Not completely different, the same but different colors. I like them to look like twins. I know that things will be different when they get older. I will not force them to dress the same once their tastes and personalites blossom.

Also since birth, when I have a choice Landon wears the brown and Jackson wears the blue. If there is no brown, then Jackson always gets the blue and Landon, the left overs. It helps me to remember who is who in pictures, or in real life if I am really having trouble.

THE SLING

I have a sling that I used when Brenna was small but not much since. With the twins I was always alternating between them and could not hold one for an extended period of time. Recently I have taken it back out of retirement. When one of my children are sick, or especially whinny or needy I whip it out. An hour connected to my hip usually resolves the problem. It also prevents me from putting them down unnoticed. Sometimes my mind races and I do not realize I have put the child down until the screaming returns, but with the sling, it takes effort to get them out, therefore I am forced to hold them until they request to get out. I have become very talented at what I can still accomplish even with a baby in a sling.

VANITY

I am far from vain when it comes to looks. It is a blessing and a curse for my husband. I did warn him when we were dating that most days I do not wear makeup. He loves that it takes me only 5 minutes TOPS to get ready to go somewhere. He loves that I can get all of the children and myself packed and ready in the same time that it takes him to care for himself. But he does complain that it is only my patients that get to see me all done up. I tell him that it is a fact that people are easier to work with and nicer if you are beautiful and attractive, but he sees the beauty on the inside, so... I don't have to go through all that trouble, all the time, for him.

I do have a strong vain bone in my body in one area. When I do spend time on my hair I want it to stay that way for at least a day. Oregon mists and rain are a killer. Plus, I dread summers with unannounced boating trips. I do not like doing my hair twice in one day. Also... I went swimming for a hour last week and my hair is the texture of straw and completely unmanageable. I remember spending whole summers in the chlorine in Arizona and this never happened. Grrrr. Now I know why there are so many jokes about bad-hair-days.

I AM A RUNNER

I am a runner! Just kidding. I am nothing near it yet, but I am practicing and I do have the desire. I have been running for 3 weeks and it is a habit/addiction already. I thought that 3 miles on the treadmill was impressive but then went to work, and listened as many coworkers reminisced over the half-marathon that they just completed, without even training. That is my dream. Why? No, I am not good at it...and it doesn't necessarily feel good as I am doing it, but afterward I feel such a high and sense of accomplishment. For the rest of the day I have no complaints about my body or guilt for having a snack. I would not have said it 3 months ago but...I LOVE to exercise.

The one thing that keeps me hopeful that I will someday be a runner, is that the same people that LOVE running, HATE the treadmill. They all say that it is 10 times harder to do. Sooo...when I run my measly 3 miles in my home, because I am confined to home and don't get out much, in my head when I am done, I say, "You just ran 30 miles!." Crazy, but it works and it makes me feel better.

PROACTIVE MOM: PLAN A

Believe it or not...I do not have motherhood figured out ;). But I have found that unless I am proactive I find myself, spending the entire day keeping up my house and counting the minutes until Shane comes home. I forget about spending more "quality" time with my babies. Yes I facilitate play between them all day but then I try to nicely sneak out without notice. Another flaw in my motherhood...since in my blog I am totally open...is that Brenna is addicted to Dora. It began as a pacifier for her, while I worked out but now she has learned to press the "next video" button on Netflix and will watch a few hours unnoticed.

I have found during the last few weeks that motherhood went from a joy...to a drag. Yesterday I felt that I would sell my children if any offer came along...without thinking twice. I realized that it is me, not them. So thus Mission: Proactive Mom has commenced.

Plan A: Preschool
I have realized that in motherhood routine is vital. Also for me as a mother, unless I plan or set time apart, I will be frustrated, annoyed, and watching the clock. So I structured my day and trustingly showed it to my husband. He does not think I am nuts...so I will do it. It has singing time, nap time, Brenna/mommy time, playtime, FHE, and books. A bit ambitious, but I am going to begin Monday. I understand that things will get in the way...I am not strict...I am totally flexibile.

I will update or attempt Plan B, if this fails.

NEED HUMILITY

I have realized that multiple people around me are struggling. Some financially with slim hope of recovering soon, and some with very serious health problems. I sit here on my pedestal eating, drinking and being merry, with my mediocre complaints. I have amazing children that are all healthy and strong. I have a husband who I adore and works hard for his family. We have a home that is warm, and full of food. I soak in a warm bath daily. In my patriarchal blessing talks about me having adequate for my needs and enough to help those around me. I have spent thousands helping others struggling but...I feel the need to do more. I need to be closer to the spirit. Mourn with those who mourn, comfort those who stand in need of comfort. My hopes and dreams for a comfortable future are diminishing, but I know that if I am close to the spirit my family and those whom I love will be protected. With all that I am blessed with, how dare I just sit idly wasting away.

BACK SEAT DRIVER

Brenna is so helpful. Ever since the brothers came along, she gets the middle seat in the back of the car. She can see everywhere and everything while we are driving. She has begun to notice the street lights. She tells us when to stop (if red) and go (if green).

It is kinda nice to have someone watching your back but she is going to need be retaught how to drive once she is a teenager. NO! Not because I am a bad driver! I will give a few examples...

I was at a turn light and began to turn left when the arrow turned green...Brenna only saw the other red lights and not the arrow. She was freaking out. "No...no...no mom...Don't go"...kicking her legs in a full on tantrum.

Also as soon as she sees the next light is red she expects us to stop where we are. We are trying to teach her that we need to pull up to the line and then stop.

And...my favorite...if we are behind a slow person, she gets so upset that we are going slow (not a good sign...she is learning from my example).

NO NAUSEA ALLOWED

It has begun again. Now that all my babies are in nursery...I am baby hungry. They are old enough to play together and I am left wanting. Yet, I found a solution. The other day we went to a park that had toys that you sit on and can spin around and around. I spun slowly until Shane came and over-did-it. I was burping and nauseous for about an hour. It felt exactly like morning sickness. I quickly remembered and do not desire it. Shane says he is going to take me to that toy once a week ;).

PARDON ME

I realize that I have a small following of dedicated readers. Some say, "It must take you a long time to write these." Heck no. I do not have any spare time. So excuse my typos, misspelled words, and gastly punctuation. I just sit down, type, and revise/censore later. Sometimes I get a "Oh my heck, I cant believe that you admitted that!", or "Wow, now everyone knows our business!". HEY! This is my blog. My life uncensored (unless it is too out-of-line) and untamed.

IDENTICAL TWINS

Far from it!!! If my research is correct...they HAVE to be identical because there was only one placenta. So far they are nothing alike.

Landon is skinny and Jackson is fat. To me they are extremely easy to tell apart. There was a time when Landons weight was starting to catch up with Jackson and I kept mixing them up, but they are back to polar opposites again.

Landon uses his right hand most of the time and Jackson favors his left.

Landon I fear is a vegitarian and Jackson a carnivore. For example, both have a hambuger and by the end Jackson has devoured it all with bun crumbs left over and Landon has only a nicely formed meat patty which he will not touch with a ten-foot-pole.

Landon is athletic but Jackson coordination could use some work.

Landon is my cuddle bug and buddy but Jackson will only hold me for a minute at a time.

Landon walks around with a little attitude and a stink eye but Jackson is laid back and takes it as it comes.

But it cannot be argued that they are both so awesome. I love it that they are different.

***In the picture...I have no clue which one is which***

TALKING

I really thought that since my children were only 19 months apart, that the twins would pick up things from Brenna fast. I have been doing "Signing Time" and had Brenna as an example for language. The twins do say lots of words but not as many as I would expect. Signs are used by Brenna for fun and for me to communicate effectively to the twins but they don't do them back very often.

Instead Brenna has begun speaking like the twins. When they all want something...instead of words...Brenna will make the same sounds that the brothers are making. I guess it is good that they can all communicate together, but I was hoping that I would be part of the club.

***Brenna saw this "floaty" in a book and wanted one. We saw the same one at the store for a dollar. She has been carrying it around for a week waiting for the sun to come out.***

PUFF BALL GUN

This is a new favorite toy in our house. It is a gun made out of PVC piping. You use "puff balls", "dingle balls"... whatever the name of those things are...as the amo. Landon spends an entire day fetching the balls, and reloading the gun. They attempt to shoot it, but their lungs aren't strong enough. It sure is cute watching them try.

Word to the wise: if you put more than one "puff ball" in at a time. It will JAM.

PICK, PICK

I have always joked...as I pick my kids nose..."If you aren't going to do it, then I will." It is not funny anymore. Landon is continuously found with his finger all the way up his nose. Now I have to watch what I say, now that they can understand me.